Some good news!

We FINALLY have some good news to report! This year in the baby making world, all news has been pretty bad. But now, I finally found out something about my insurance that is, seriously, a God send!

We had plans to add Matt onto my insurance next month. I read our insurance policy and it says it wouldn't take effect until the start of 2012. I was SUPER bummed because we had plans to get him into a specialist immediately so he could get tested and we could move towards the next step. Today I decided to ask when open enrollment was and guess what? It's next month AND it starts next month for him! We can get the process started almost 2 months earlier than we thought! SO exciting!

To be truthful, it's actually a little bit terrifying. The thought that this might actually work in our favor- we seem to have taken comfort in infertility (as weird as that sounds). Yes, I complain about how we can't seem to have children. Yes, I cry my eyes out once a month and yes, I look a baby clothes and wonder "should I just buy this now or wait? yeah...I'll wait". But, we seem to have come to terms with the fact that this is a part of our lives and to think that it might be over...it's just weird. I compare it to wedding planning (loosely). I remember when I was planning our wedding- for 4 years I thought of nothing else. I ate, slept and breathed wedding music, tulle, christmas lights, table cloths and wedding music. When it was taken away from me...I had nothing to plan for. Other than the really big things like a house, a family- a FUTURE, and, although those things are fun to plan and dream about, they don't always take up my day to day. Infertility is a day to day planning. Especially when you're taking Clomid and Provera. You know exactly what days of your cycle (not the month) you take your pills. Months turn in to cycle lengths, days of the week turn into cycle days. There have been times when I thought "ok so it's CD 23 that means it must be....Wednesday?". Hours of the morning become CRUCIAL hours because you have to wake up at the same time (even on the weekends- UGH!) to take your temperature and write it down as you drearily fall back asleep. Not that I wouldn't be totally ready to move on to the next step...but I would actually miss taking my temp, counting down my cycle days, counting down the days until I get to take a pregnancy test and using my shiny new ovulation kit (honestly, I can say the greatest excitement of the last 2 years has been buying a 20 piece digital ovulation kit- you have no idea!!!!). There ARE parts I won't miss- like taking my temperature EVERY day at 6am (sometimes, a girl just needs her beauty sleep!), checking CM (if you've ever struggled with conceiving, I'm sure you know EXACTLY what I mean. disgustinnnnng), getting negative pregnancy tests, having all pregnancy symptoms but then realizing- they are just symptoms of my period, watching my husband watch me want a baby....it's all just too much. It's a rollercoaster. It's not even like, a year long roller coaster either. It's like- in a single day I can be at the top of the world and within 5 minutes, fall right to the pits of hell. And I can do it several times a day.

None of this probably makes any sense at all but, just know that although I'm so excited to possibly be able to do IVF within the next 6 months to a year, I'm also going to miss trying for a while!

But yay for petrie dish babies!