This is the story of how our blog came to be.
Last month, I turned 25. So much happened when I turned 25. Good things: My car insurance went down. I got to spend the day with my family. But...bad things happened too. I read my 24th (actually probably my 100th) negative pregnancy test about 1 or 2 weeks before my birthday. I started my period (I'm not afraid to be blunt lol). About a month before my birthday my doctor told me to stop taking Clomid because it was causing eye issues (not gonna lie, I wasn't TOO sad about that but it reduced my chances of ovulating on my own. DRAMATICALLY). Oh and, speaking of that, the period I had was during an anovulatory cycle so really, my chances of getting pregnant anyways were slim to none but I was 2 weeks late and thought it would be fun (read: torture) to take a test.
Needless to say, I was a wreck. I cried almost every day of October (including one complete breakdown at work on the day I started my period. I fainted and ended up going home early that day. I curled up in a ball and cried myself to sleep that afternoon). I came home one day in a ball of tears and begged my husband to let us go public. I told him I was just so tired of going through this alone. I hated getting advice from people who had never gone through or struggled with infertility. Maybe, just maybe there was someone out there who could relate to our story and provide SOME words of wisdom. SOME hope for our future. Hadn't he had enough of crying on my shoulder? Didn't HE need some words of encouragement? Yes. Yes he did. He told me he did and we decided to "go public."
I sat in stone silence typing out our first blog post. Our story from beginning to end. How infertility had shaped us. How we had grown to a new acceptance of infertility. I wasn't going to hold anything back. I wanted everyone to know what we went through. Now, let me be clear. I didn't WANT to make everyone cry. If you cried...well...I'm sorry :). I just wanted everyone to know that we needed prayers, positive energy, good mojo, whatever it is that you send out into the universe- we need it in a positive way.
The story was finished. Now a name for the blog...what to call it? We had many ideas (none of them are worth sharing because they all sucked). I finally said "What about 'A Baby Dance'?". Matt turned his head to look at me, pondered a moment and said "That's a good one hun, use that one". And so, we did. A Baby Dance. So much behind that name. ONE because when you're charting FAM, you put down a little "BD" on nights when you "try". But also...A Baby Dance because all this infertility, all these pregnancy tests, ovulation tests, Pelvic Scans (a, now, distant memory. Thank GOD), Clomid, Provera (aka Satan in pill form), folic acid, Dong Quai (another story for another day about yet another thing that doesn't work)...ALL of these things are a dance. Going through them all at once is a dance. It's a dance of emotion, a dance of physical torment.
So far, the song we're dancing to hasn't yet ended. But that's ok. I love dancing -especially with my husband. He's so light on his feet :).
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