Mothers day.

I have tried to write this post at least 3 times and have not known what to say about how I feel about mothers day. It's hard to explain- I love my mom. I love my grandmother and I love my great grandmother. To me, Mothers day is about honoring all of these women. Without them, I wouldn't be the woman I am today. I'm thankful that they gave me emotional strength (and a little physical strength here and there) to deal with the turmoil that this whole disease causes. So yes, I am thankful for Mothers day because of that.

I am less than thankful because SO many people wish me a happy Mothers day- simply because I'm a woman.  I drove through the toll booth this morning and the old German man said "I wish you a happy Muzzas day Zweet haht". It was very sweet...but very unexpected and I didn't know how to respond except to say "you too"...and given his age and gender- I'm not sure if it was even the appropriate response! 

I think what makes it so hard is all the things I WANT to say to people who wish me a happy Mothers day. Today a woman actually said to me "if you're a mother, happy Mothers day". All I wanted to say to her was "well actually I'm NOT a mother. I've been trying for over 2.5 years and have thought of nothing else. Oh and Since I'm NOT a mother- I'll make sure to have a really horrible day. Thank you". But all I could think to say was "thank you, same to you". That was my little passive aggressive slap in the face. Although, I'm sure she was a mother and wouldn't understand. If she wasn't, she wouldn't have wished a happy one to me.

I think of Mothers Day for me like the quote below. Yup, I'm quoting Friends. I never realized how many infertile people were in that show until we entered into this journey. A show I already loved to the moon and back became about 10 million times better. Like, I love it to Pluto and back (or...whatever Pluto is now) I think of this quote often. I seriously was bawling my eyes out when he said it and it STILL makes me cry to this day. 

Chandler: My wife's an incredible woman. She's loving and devoted and caring. And don't tell her I said this, but the woman's always right... I love my wife more than anything in this world. And I... it kills me that I can't give her a baby... I really want a kid. And when that day finally comes, I'll learn how to be a good dad. But my wife... she's already there. She's a mother... without a baby... 

I got a message from a friend this morning that was super awesome. Just what I needed. I woke up completely dreading the day...actually I went to bed completely dreading the day. I missed a mothers day brunch with my family (which meant missing mimosa's, the best way to start a bad day!) and I had to make the 2 hour drive to work and work all day on a super super SUPER slow day. But when I got to work, I hopped on my facebook real quick before my shift started and read her sweet message. Seriously, God sent that message to me through her words. I just know it.

You've been on my heart today. I know you probably don't want a pity party or anything--but 

I'm 100% sure when that perfect day comes and you become a mommy, you will be the best mommy EVER! I know this day must be super hard for you- but keep positive and keep praying to our lovely God above! I'm learning in my own experience in motherhood again that God's plans far exceeds our own and are WAY better-he knows your future and I'm pretty sure he'll bless you two soon enough..in one way or another:)

this is why we've been friends for 20 years. She get's it. She knows what to say and when to say it. THIS is what infertile women need and want to hear on a day like today. It really did make the day a million times better for me. I was hating the entire day and it wasn't even 8am. 

Oh and we're also related. People say we look alike. Although we don't really see it.

And so, my Mothers day is over. Thankfully. Unmothers day is tomorrow for me and I've requested nothing more than a trip to the park when my hubby comes home from work. I'll be sure to let you know if he follows through. I'll leave you with a quote from tonight (please know this entire conversation was meant in jest and trust me- he definitely didn't mean what he said in a serious way!)

Me: Tomorrow is unmothers day. I deserve a gift.

Matt: What makes you think YOU deserve a gift?

Me: because I work hard at getting pregnant all year long.

Matt: well, if I get around to it I suppose. 

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. Romans 8:18

p.s. Ace Ventura is on and I we just ate S'mores. We're 12.