A quick update.

Just as a warning, this post will be pretty graphic. If you can't handle it, don't read!

Last night. Where to begin? Last night was awful. 

We were sitting on the couch watching TV and snuggling when all of a sudden, I felt a gush of fluid. I said "whoa, I think I better use the bathroom". As I stood up, I felt another gush. I was running to the bathroom as more and more fluid was gushing out of me. I made it into the bathroom and the amount of blood I saw threw me into an immediate state of panic. I called for Matt and he came rushing in holding Layla (on a side note, we're both discovering how many things you can get done with one arm!) and I said "does this look normal?" His eyes widened and he said "no definitely not. Call the hospital". I couldn't find my regular doctors number. Where was it? I was searching the information packet the WIHCU had given me and couldn't find it anywhere. Why does it always work that way? I gave up searching and called the WIHCU number which was listed right at the top of the page for convenience. It was obvious I was in a panic. I told her I had filled two poise pads in 10 minutes. You could almost hear the panic in her voice as well as she confirmed what she had heard "you filled two poise pads in 10 minutes?". The normal rules are if you fill the pad within an hour or less to call. But 2 in 10 minutes? That's obviously a cause for concern. She told me to call my doctors after hours line and tell him what the issue was. She also said if he doesn't call back within the hour to call the WIHCU again. I called the after hours line and they said they'd call me back. Meanwhile, I was quickly filling a third pad. Strangely enough, I didn't feel dizzy or light headed. I felt normal- just panicked. Not two minutes after I hung up with the after hours line, the nurse at the WIHCU called back and said "I took the liberty of calling the doctor directly at home. Come to the ER right away. Do you have someone to watch the baby?" I told her we did, we called my parents, quickly packed and made the quick 7 mile journey to the ER.

The entire way to the ER, I was sobbing. SO many thoughts crossed my mind. Hysterectomy's, death, birth control, a ripped stitch, hemorrhaging, having second, third and fourth babies, why me? I was sobbing in the car. All I could focus on was Layla's sweet face and feeling bad for her suddenly. She had no idea what was going on and was sleeping in her car seat, but I strangely felt bad for her. I wasn't even considering myself. I was now on my fourth pad and filling that one as well. Luckily, I had brought extras with me. We got to the ER and they asked me all the routine questions. Have you had sex since the baby was born? (yes, because that's the first thing on my mind every day!), are you clotting?, any dizziness or light headedness?, all the answers were no. I was just bleeding an abnormal amount. I got registered and they settled me into a stretcher. Sadly, both OB rooms in the ER were taken so I had to wait my turn. I was only slightly upset about this (note my sarcasm). I cried while we waited. We listened to other patients around us complain about their symptoms and the fact that they couldn't go home. We listened to an older woman next to us who told HILARIOUS stories and asked her daughters/granddaughters hilarious questions. I had needles poked into me, I was given water to drink. They were going to do an ultrasound. I immediately started crying. Why do they need to do an ultrasound? I was terrified. I couldn't wait to just get out of there.

I was wheeled into the ultrasound room 1. I was finally able to see the old woman sitting next to us as I was wheeled by. When we got into the ultrasound room, I was told they were going to do two ultrasounds. One on top of my belly and a transvaginal ultrasound. I cringed at the thought of the transvaginal ultrasound. It's only been 11 days since Layla joined us- it wasn't going to be good. The regular ultrasound went well but now, it was time for the transvaginal. She offered to let me do it myself. I was totally grossed out by that thought so I told her she could go ahead. She had barely begun when the pain was too much. It was worse than giving birth (well...almost). She had to stop. I was sobbing on the bed the pain was just too much. They wheeled me back into the ER and had me wait. Finally the doctor came in and said "well, the Radiologist said she noticed some left over material in your uterus so we're thinking there might be a retained placenta or some left over amniotic fluid. I'm going to call the on call OB doctor and see if he wants to send you home or admit you". I burst into tears. Admit me? I don't want to be admitted! I want to go home and snuggle my beautiful baby girl (who I hadn't laid eyes on in 3 hours). The ER doctor came in and told me I could go home and my heart literally sang. He gave me a prescription for ortho cyclen (which I can't start until I see my regular OB doctor. Did you know you can't breast feed when you're on birth control with estrogen?) and sent me home. I felt a little bit better but was still nervous about bleeding at home.

Things are going much better today. The bleeding has let up substantially and I've been feeling quite a bit better. I'm going to see my OB doctor on Monday and am expecting them to do a D&C- although I don't really know what to expect from that procedure. I haven't cried once today though- which is the first time since Layla's been home.

Recovery isn't a joke. If nothing else, I've learned that!