Decisions.

We've decided we want more babies. Well, we actually made this decision a while ago. I never wanted to be a one child household. And really, how could we not want to have more babies? We obviously make adorable children. 

Sticking by our decision to have a second child wasn't easy. While I was pregnant I kept thinking "we're going to have to start trying for our second one the day she's born!" but, now that she's here, I want to enjoy her. If we do end up having more babies, this is the only time in our life we will only have one child. I want to really enjoy it. I want to experience all her firsts. And enjoy all the moments. Like when she falls asleep on my chest, or spits up on Matt's face, or when she splashes in her bath and squeals because it's so much fun. Watching her learn on her own is marvelous. And she's the only baby that won't have a big brother or sister to cheer her on. She's the independent one. She has to learn to be her own cheerleader, her own comfort and her own support system- at least until more baby Colby's arrive. Mommy and Daddy are, of course, always here for her. No one claps louder for her when she rolls over (which happened tonight!), or when she FINALLY grabs the toy giraffe in front of her, or when she learns to walk or talk- we are her support, her cheering section, her comfort system. But, she'll also need to learn to do all this on her own and, it's fabulous to watch it happen.

There is a fear in me that says "you won't get pregnant when you want to" and "it will take even longer than before" but you know- I have to come to the point where I can say to myself "it's ok if that happens". Even though I WANT more children, I WANT to grow our family- instant gratification doesn't always equal happiness. Physically, spiritually, emotionally and mentally- we aren't ready to try again yet. It will likely be a while- maybe even longer than we had planned- before we try again. I'm STILL recovering from Layla's delivery. I just went to the doctors and had a minor procedure, I'm still severely anemic (which I need to go see a doctor about) and frankly, I'm still learning about Layla. Nothing would make me happier than a little brother or sister for Layla...but not right now. We have big things to focus on right now and I have a bunch of more doctor appointments to make an attend for both Layla and myself. Life is hectic, as always, for the Colby clan but, we're making it work. It's always a slew of emotions around here!