To me, it's Christmas.

It's Christmas time in our home. I officially broke out the Christmas decorations a few days ago...but I've been drinking Egg Nog for weeks...and listening to Christmas music...and Christmas shopping. So yeah, even though the decorations JUST came out to make it official...I've been celebrating Christmas for a while now :). I really wouldn't have it any other way. I just love the way a new strand of lights looks hanging on my fresh tree.







My all time favorite ornament.





I always worry about Christmas time becoming too commercial. I try SO hard to bring it back to basics each year and buy really meaningful gifts that I KNOW the receiver will really truly enjoy. I try to make a lot of gifts. I often wonder if the "magic" associated with Christmas and Santa is gone for children. Santa is used in almost every Christmas add. It must be hard for children to believe that Santa really lives in the North Pole...I remember when I was a kid it was a relatively easy thing to believe...but now, I'm not so sure. When it is my turn to be a mommy, I want to make sure my children can believe in the magic of Santa while understanding what Christmas is all about. We already talk about what "traditions" we want to start with our children once we have them.

The holidays can be hard. This is my third round of Christmas's of trying to conceive. The third time I've thought to myself "wow, I wish  we had a baby, I'd buy it ______" or "wow, I wish we could get THIS ornament for our baby". It's not that I'm not completely happy with my husband having an "us" Christmas...but I would really love a little one running around right now. Like, I'd really REALLY love it.

There was a show on today and it was essentially, women sitting around complaining about how much they hate motherhood. I almost threw the tv right out the window (I couldn't find the remote and this was the only other solution I could come up with in my state of rage). All I could think was "oh poor you, you just happened to be fertile enough to have 3 children. Oh and 2 of them were TWINS? you poor thing!". Of course, in a most sarcastic voice with my face scrunched up. I understand that everyone has their own battles and that not everyone WANTS children...but if you don't want them, give them up for adoption. There are plenty of infertile couples out there that would be completely happy to adopt your baby that you're just going to spend a lifetime complaining about (on national TV too. p.s. your kid is going to be in therapy. Probably for a long time).

On that note. I think I'm done. Such a sour note to end on. I know. I'm sorry. I fail. But, I'm pretty much not enjoying this Shrek Christmas movie as much as I thought I would and I'm sitting here half asleep. It's time for bed and it's not even 9pm. What is happening to me?

Oh, and I thought you should all know, I'm making the conscious decision to go back on a low dose of Clomid next cycle. Merry Christmas to me.