Alright people- this is a warning blog to all the ladies out there who have never been pregnant and don't know what to expect. Also- this is my official warning to all men to look away if you don't want to read anything disgusting. Because it's probably going to be :).
Before I got pregnant, I had no idea what to expect. I THOUGHT I did. I THOUGHT I'd get pregnant, be sick for a while, have some acne, some heart burn, carry a beautiful healthy baby to full term and deliver. Obviously I haven't delivered yet so I can tell you my experiences up to 31 weeks that NO ONE (and I repeat, NO ONE) told me were going to happen. Now, fair warning- there are a lot more than 10 things but I've narrowed the list down to the most important ones. Again, fair warning, look away if you don't want to be grossed out.
10: Things swell. I was aware that my ankles would swell, my legs (my calves look like sausages), my hands, my feet...but other parts of your body swell as well. And they HURT. Ladies, fair warning- things swell and hurt. Now, I'm sure this doesn't happen to everyone out there, but it happened to me. So beware- things will swell and they will hurt. Anywhere on your body is at risk to swell- and I mean ANYWHERE.
9: Your boobs will not look like your boobs anymore. No matter what your boobs look like or feel like at the beginning of your pregnancy, be prepared to look like someone from the National Geographic magazines near the end. I always talk about nipple/areola size in relation to food. Pepperoni, bologna, english muffins....no matter what your size is, expect it to double. I'm almost POSITIVE they will get bigger after birth as well so prepare yourself for that reality. Also, they will hurt. I knew they would be sore for a while- but mine were incredibly sore up until about 20 weeks. Moving my arms hurt, moving my body hurt- they hurt. And they hurt a LOT.
8: Things leak. Yes, your girls will leak and, they will most likely leak early. Be prepared to use your breast pads earlier than expected. I'm not saying you should expect GALLONS to leak at a time, or for you to leak every time you hear a crying baby, just expect it to happen if you lay on your side (causing pressure) or, if you're like me, you'll leak when stressed.
7: Your outlook on life will change. Before I got pregnant, I wanted Layla in a daycare, in a public school, going to the Y every day. I wanted her to learn from experience. I was a HUGE advocate of "spare the rod, spoil the child" discipline and I knew that I was right. Now, I question everything about my past thoughts. I want her home- learning from home, learning in her own way with my guidance. I don't want to spank her- EVER. I don't ever want to hurt her physically or emotionally. I want her to be accepted and to feel accepted. I want her to learn how to respect herself...also-you'll question everything. Not so much the obvious, like when to feed her, how to feed her, how to change her diaper (that is, unless you're like my husband and have never been around babies) but you'll question the bigger stuff- how do I raise her to NOT be a serial killer? How do a raise her to have a deep passionate love for all she does? How do I raise her to create? How do I raise her to be independent but obedient? These are things I question ALL the time. I assume this is all normal and you learn as you go...but really, I'm kind of hoping that right after she's born, some sort of instruction manual will come out after her that I can read (of course, this is only if it doesn't give me a paper cut.)
6: You will be afraid of pooping while giving birth. I had always heard that women may sometimes poop during delivery. I mean, since like age 12 it's something I knew may happen. I never knew, however, that I would literally fear it happening. I mean, my husband and I are close and all, but we certainly don't watch each other poop. And honestly, if I had to watch him poop while giving birth, I might puke. So, it is a fear you will have and yes, it is normal. Sorry to say it ladies but you can say to yourself "it doesn't bother me" ALL you want but, when you're nearing the end and the reality of pooping on the table gets a little closer, you'll begin to fear it as well. Just remind yourself- it's just poop. Your husband might get grossed out but I'm pretty sure your baby won't hold it against you.
5: You will cry often. And for no reason. I can't tell you how many times I've found myself crying- and typically, it's for no reason. In the very early stages of my pregnancy I decided to watch "My Sisters Keeper" for the first time. Don't. Do. It. Just don't. I SOBBED through the entire movie and went through an entire box of tissues. Now, I know it's a sad movie and people will cry during sad movies...but I'm not usually a sobber. I tear up every now and then...but to actually sob and sniff and have a trembling lip? That's totally not me. I was a mess. I cry if my finger hurts. I cry if I burn food. I cry if I can't find my pants, my scarf (which has been missing for 2 weeks. Emotional HELL). I cry over EVERYTHING. And it is the most frustrating thing- because I am not a cryer over small things. So yes, stock up on the Kleenex now because you will need it when the time comes.
4: Your husband may not be that "into it" at first. Your husband doesn't feel everything you do in the first trimester- and sometimes, into the first part of your second trimester. He can't feel the baby move, he doesn't have morning sickness (and no, his "sympathy pains" do not count), he doesn't have constant headaches and he doesn't have a physical connection to your baby yet. He won't feel the baby move right away like you do...the most connection he will have is during your first ultrasound (if he goes with you). He'll be excited to show off his baby and he'll be excited that the baby is there...but he won't be "into" the pregnancy experience for a while. Once Matt felt Layla move, he got more into it. He started rubbing my belly, he started reading to her, talking to her, kissing her...but before that, he rarely was involved. I wanted him to be more involved so, I bought a fetal stethoscope. It has REALLY helped! He can hear her any time he wants! He talks to her a lot more now, he reads to her, rubs my belly and gets excited when she moves. She's more real to him now. It took until our 20 week appointment, when we confirmed she was a girl for him to be more interactive with her. So ladies- do not fear if your husband isn't into it right away. He's probably grossed out by all your puking and, if he holds your hair, consider yourself lucky.
3: Morning sickness is just as bad as they say it is. If you're one of those lucky women that don't have morning sickness...just be warned, pregnant women that DO get morning sickness probably don't like you (you know, hypothetically). I threw up EVERY day, multiple times a day for 17 weeks. It was TORTURE. You will cry, you will gag, you will be grossed out by things you were never grossed out by before (for me, it was olive oil or grilled chicken. The THOUGHT of one of those things literally sent me running for the nearest toilette). Your sense of smell is very heightened during pregnancy so the slightest smell of something may send you running. I don't have a very strong stomach. So, it was torture for me. Just keep some barf bags in the car, by your bed, at work, in the kitchen, in your pocket- you'll be fine.
2: Prenatal vitamins may make you sick. YEP. Made me sick as a freakin dog! BUT, there is some good news. 10,000,000 strong and growing Flintstone vitamins? They are approved! Take 2 a day (if the red ones don't make you vomit) and you're good to go! I like the purple...unfortunately, there are less purple than red and orange so I find myself struggling to keep them down. But, that's ok- at least Layla is getting what she needs.
1: Despite all of this, you will want to do it again. I constantly find myself feeling a tinge of jealousy whenever there is a pregnancy announcement from a friend. Why? Maybe because I just LOVED the beginning (you know, aside from the puking). I loved the suspense of wondering "when will I feel the baby move?" or "what is it? a boy or a girl!?". I also loved feeling and seeing the changes to my body. Now, of course, I have some non pregnancy related things going on and I'm kind of ready to have her...but other than that, I love her being so close to me. I am her lifeline right now and it feels nice to know she depends on me. Not sure why- it just does. I talk to Matt all the time about making more babies. Making that decision to start trying feels SO good. It just does. Seeing the positive pregnancy test is the best feeling EVER and, that doesn't even compare to the first time you see your sprout on the screen in the doctors office. It is just completely amazing. Despite everything I've had to deal with, I cannot wait to do it again.
OH and here's a bonus tip: getting pregnant isn't as easy as MTV makes it look. Don't fall for the "just relax" things that people tell you and (as hard as it is) try not to get offended if people say to you "just adopt" OR if they question when you're going to get pregnant. It is SO hard to not get mad. It's easy to get sad, and that's ok. So, after they ask you those questions, or make those suggestions, just go home and cry. Don't be ashamed of it. Most importantly, DON'T let any infertility struggles you may have define you. Do not become your uterus, you are more. Let the struggle strengthen you and bring you closer to your significant other. Also, IGNORE magazine covers. There will always be incompetent celebrities, teenagers, octomoms, hell- there was a monkey that got pregnant before me! Just don't look at them. It will hurt, it will make you sad. It will make you cry- avoid the tabloids. Avoid the magazines and, in general- avoid baby showers. It can be hard to hear "keep the faith" a million times and actually take it to heart, and it takes a lot of soul searching to be strong and say to yourself "I can do this"- trust me, I know. What did I do to make it through each negative test? I would say a little prayer while waiting for the results "Lord, please let this test be positive, and, if it can't be positive, please help me be positive". I'll be honest, when we found out I was pregnant, I was in the middle of the prayer "Lord, please let this test be positive" and I looked down and there was my beautiful plus sign :). I can't even describe the overwhelming joy that sweeps through you. You will have babies, just hold on to your faith, your husband (or wife) and your uterus.
This is Layla's coming home onesie. Everything this says is true and I am so in love with it (and her!). I cannot wait to share her photos and our joy with you all! Pregnancy is truly a blessing. It's the best thing I've ever done and I wouldn't change one second of this journey.
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